::seventeen to twenty

*our story on here...people have told us they just love it. but i took it down for awhile and was asked if i would put it back up. so, i reluctantly posted it again.... i was told this could help people {but this is not why i wrote this though. people have asked us how we met. and there have been rumors going around for a long time. so i wanted to clarify some things}...and i'm not exactly sure if it will help anyone. but the reason i wrote it was so i could read it whenever i wanted. it just makes us smile. we've been through a lot! <3

I turned twenty-six on December 27th. Everyone thinks I'm about eighteen. I act about sixteen at times. What's life if you can't find the humour in things or feel comfortable in just being plain silly for no reason. It's fun! Being a photographer wasn't something I intended to become. I wanted to major in music business at Belmont University in Nashville or become a neonatal nurse. I liked photography as a hobby and I thought it would be nothing more than that. When I take pictures everyone & everything else fades away. Especially if I'm having a bad day. The thoughts of bills, health, stress from the day, and anything else just seems to float into the air and all is empty in my head for just a few minutes or hours. I love that feeling. Just me and my camera and whatever I'm seeing through my lens.

For my birthday I thought I would write a little about how Josh & I met. Then I took it down and revised some of it. I remembered some things. So I've reposted it per request. I don't think I've told the story to very many people. So now it'll be here for all to see. I'm not exactly sure how many that is. Maybe one or two who are reading my little blog. Where to begin? Okay. I got it.

Josh & I have been passing each other our whole lives! And I watched him and observed his character for two years {how he was with his friends, girls, guys, his family, children, etc}. I can't remember when it was or who it was that said, "You could be passing the love of your life (the one who you will marry) your whole life and not even know it." I remember hearing that going. "Yeah, sure. I don't believe it."

I was so wrong! Because it really did happen.

Where to begin? I've had the hardest time trying to figure out where to start. And Christmas night before going to bed it hit me. "When we were kids." We didn't know each other then. But we were always around each other and passing right by one another. I wonder after everything has worked out if God was looking down at us the whole time saying,

"You shouldn’t be worrying and doubting down there. I have everything under control. I see you little boy and you little girl and I’m going to bring you two together and you don’t even know it yet."

{If you would have told me I would find a guy that fit me, in the area I lived. I would of laughed at you. If you told me I would find him at 19...I wouldn't have believed you}.

But God has our whole lives mapped out and we sometimes forget that. We do many times and he seems to always bring us back by tugging on our heart, “It’s going to be okay. I have it all under control. Don’t fret. Don’t fear. I am with you.”

It was 2 pm and the door swung open as a bride was walking down the aisle. Many people gathered around as they watched the bride coming towards them. In the pews on the opposite ends were two little kids watching. A little boy who was nine and a little girl on the other side who was five. These two little kids didn't see each other that day or even get a glimpse of each other from opposite ends of the room. But they would one day meet each other and fall in love.

This is how our imaginations take over us. This is how we think it was or could have been.

Josh & I liked going to Barnes & Noble as teenagers. I would sit in the christian aisle and read more than likely christian dating books like "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" and "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris, "Searching for True Love" video series by Joshua Harris..(I would later watch, which changed my whole view point), and "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. Reading books and more books. "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot and all the C.S Lewis books {I wish I could meet this guy and just sit and talk to him for hours}. And I would spend hours on the floor in that aisle.

Meanwhile, Josh would be passing by that aisle to find it empty as I was usually there in the afternoons. He would come later on at night and pass by the aisle to actually try to find any girls that were sitting in there reading. He thought that if there was a girl sitting in the aisle, he could check her out and of course, start a conversation with her. So we passed each other in and out through our lives. Not knowing. If only I was sitting in Barnes & Noble's christian book aisle just a couple more hours... I would meet the guy I would spend the rest of my life with. \\\ Thinking about it now. I find it so cool.

{Josh and I hung around the same people, knew the same people, but never met each other through any of them. and we even went to the same college, but it was at different times since we are 4 years apart. i'm the younger one}.

2001::

It would be a couple years later and the band Xd Out would come and play for my family's coffee house. And the electric guitar player passed by me on the way to the stage {i didn't know he was a part of the band coming to play. i just remember doing a double take and taking notice of him. i remember thinking, "why can't a guy like that like me."} And then he made his way to the stage to plug in his guitar and well, I remember just wanting to talk to him. But I couldn't bring myself to say, "Hi, I really love your music." I was too shy. And well, I later found out he had a girlfriend. It wouldn't have been the right time. He was twenty-one. I was seventeen.

The next couple years...{a blur} but they were extremely hard! I struggled with depression pretty badly. So it would be a cycle of ....dating...broken hearts.....and the cycle would start all over again. There had to be something better than this. I prayed my heart out...and cried a lot and then cried some more. I didn't think I was going to find the right guy. the right christian guy. as sad as this is, christian guys weren't any better. And there was always something missing in the guys that liked me, that i liked, that I met, or were friends with....and josh never thought he'd find the right girl. christian girls weren't any different, it's sad to say too. i just know how hard it was for him...we didn't have any good friends to go to. i didn't really have anyone and neither did josh. And I was alone a lot and so was he.

We would pass by each other in and out through people's lives. I would see him at my sister's seventh birthday party where he sang for these little girls. As they gathered around him in a circle and he started to play his acoustic guitar and sang. My heart melted. I had prayed so hard prior, for a guy just like him. Cute. Sweet. Musical. And he loved Jesus. However, I didn't think he would at all be interested in a girl like me. I always seemed to attract the "bad boys" and it started to get old really fast. I wanted a good. fun. could be a bad boy, but didn't. If that makes any sense. :] I was eighteen. He was twenty-two. As I left that afternoon to go back to work, I noticed he liked Sixpence None the Richer 'cos he had their band shirt on. And he later told me when he saw me leaving, he thought, "Oh, she's leaving..."

Josh tells me that in the months following. Once we had a short conversation about where he recorded, but we were rudely interrupted by a man who didn't want Josh to talk to me. Josh had actually been looking for me so we could finish our conversation. I had left an impression on him? I had?? I had no idea. I was oblivious to the fact that he even thought of me or wanted to finish our conversation.

New Years Eve 2002.

I was dating a guy I would have rather not have been there.

Especially that night.

JOSH WAS THERE!

I saw him in the doorway and quickly brought myself over to say,

"Hey, what are you doing standing here all by yourself?"

He looked up at me. Smiled. And didn't reply.

So I smiled and walked away thinking,

"He's cute. I wish he would talk to me."

Little did I know that he didn't reply because

he was just stunned that someone had talked to

him who was above the age of seven.

All the little kids loved, "Josh from Xd Out."

A few minutes after I sat back down. I looked up to find him sitting right in front of me. The guy I was dating. I think I had forgotten about him. He was sitting right next to me with his head on my shoulder. And I was just wishing he wasn't there. Am I a bad girlfriend for thinking that? ;) Our conversation was short to say the least. I had to get up and sing that night. According to other friends around that night. They tell me Josh was dreamy eyed and staring at me while I was on stage singing. Josh has told me, "I couldn't take my eyes off of you that night. I thought you sang really well."

He had to leave early. So when I got off the stage. He was no where to be found and I was heartbroken. I don't think I thought of him after that. I just didn't think it was meant to be and if we were I wasn't sure how we would come together.

As for Josh, I later found out that when he left that night. He spent New Years Eve alone in his room thinking, "Oh, she has a boyfriend." And feeling really lonely.

Three months later.

It would be February 28th, 2003. Josh came over that night at a 11. He had just decided to come hang out with me on a whim. We had been emailing...

It wound up being his twenty-third birthday the next day (march 1st). The best conversation ever. We didn't talk about anything deep or anything in particular. I honestly can't remember what we talked about.

But I do remember thinking to myself,

"Why is he here talking to me?" "Why is he still here after 3am?"

Josh told me he didn't want to leave,

'cos he thought I was a cool chick.

I smiled. I wasn't having a very good week.

But we would talk until 5am that night.

He had been looking for a date for a friend's wedding, which would be the first of four weddings that year.He would leave that night and pass by me to go out the door. While giving me more shivers down my back. I thought, "God, I can't fall for him. He's not going to like me. And I'm just going to get hurt again. So take these feelings from me."

Just a week prior to this night. I had given up on the whole dating game for good. I was finished. I wanted God to just drop a good christian guy at my doorstep. The guy I had been dating before him for six long months had cheated on me with a random friend. In better words. He had a one night stand because he was just too tired of "waiting." And the thing was, I had planned to break up with him for awhile, but just wasn't sure how to do it, 'cos I didn't want to hurt him on his birthday. I guess I really shouldn't have cared, huh.

Needless to say, I was really struggling....

I thought, "Good things just don't happen to me."

And I wholeheartedly believed this.

I was just used to bad things happening to me.

So I wasn't surprised that a guy I barely liked would hurt me like this. Everything in my life was what you would say, fake, and i just so wanted to be real, but i wasn't allowed to be. Life was hard. But I wasn't exactly right with God in my heart at this point. So the reason I dated him {there just were no good guys}, and I knew I didn't love him, but had said it anyways 'cos I was so lonely and so depressed. And well, I had started to believe all the lies people had told me over the years. "I would never get married." "I would never find the guy I was looking for." "I was too picky." "No guy would ever want to be with a girl like me." "Everybody is doing it, it's no big deal." "I would never find a guy who would be waiting so why am I?" I'm really glad I stopped listening....'cos people were awful.

But I was waiting for marriage {it wasn't easy, I'll admit it. I wanted to give up lots of times. I was discouraged more times than not. And I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. I was so alone.}

And most guys in my life before Josh were not happy with that. I lived in an awful area for me. I remember a guy friend of mine {we liked each other for the longest time} who asked me this after I was dating Josh. He said, "You were serious about that (waiting for marriage)? I thought you were really joking and playing hard to get." With my reply being, "I was really serious." He couldn't believe it. No one could. Is it really that unheard of?

/////

Josh is so funny, but he told me that he was trying not to like me {i was also trying not to like him}, 'cos he didn't want to like anyone. He just wanted to be single for awhile {which he had been for 2 years already, trying not to date anyone}.

And I think this is funny, but he thought I was in high school {everyone still does}. But I had been a sophomore in college {I was 19. I had graduated high school at 16 and took a year off}, but so much for good first impressions. Haha. And I hate that I look so young, but I guess I will like it when I'm 50. But he just wanted to be content being single and I was at this point, trying to be okay being single again as well. I wasn't looking to get back into a relationship right away. Oh well. Hehe.

//

So we hung out as friends. Josh didn't want to date because he said it ruined everything. So we were just friends {for like a couple of weeks}. i guess i was worth the risk, but we had been talking on the phone and emailing for awhile so i don't know. :)

One night I went over his house. And we walked over to a pizza place just around

the corner and took a walk in 5 degree weather. I guess we didn't care how cold it was.

Josh told me later what he had been thinking the whole time.

"I better watch out. I could really fall for this girl."

{Josh had been interested in another girl while we were first hanging out. so I really didn't think I had much of a chance... I thought we would just end up as really good friends}.

Oblivious to what was going on inside his head.

We headed back to watch a movie and he turned to me and said,

"What is your take on dating?"

I smiled and said,

"I think dating should be two people who are friends that date,

but are still best friends. It shouldn't change anything. It should stay the same."

I must of said something right because two weeks later one night over a

fire and some hot chocolate. Josh looked over at me and said,

"You're beautiful."

He paused.....

and said, "Are you going to make me say it?"

I smiled and said, "Yes."

He looked at me and said, "I really like you."

I just remember saying, "Am I dreaming?"

And Josh looking at me wondering why I had said that.

The guy sitting in front of me. The guy I saw two years prior on stage. The guy I was praying about this whole time. The guy I didn't think would like me. The guy that I thought was perfect for me was sitting in front of me. And told me he liked me. And that I was beautiful. Of course I must be dreaming...stuff like this never happened to me. For the very first time the guy I wanted to like me. Liked me. And I really liked him.

He was very smooth that night.

He got up, without a second thought.... took my hand and said,

"We have to practice dancing for that wedding."

As we danced around the living room. He gave me a hug and left that night. I was soo happy! I had waited a long time to find the right guy {for me anyways, even though i was 19}. And he had waited a long time to find the right girl {he was 23}. It was an awesome night. I'll never forget it.

And well..for all who ask...josh wasn't my first kiss...and neither was i his. But our first kiss together was sweet and perfect {with that whole fuzzy feeling} <3 :)

There is more to this story but for the sake of shortening it.

I am finishing with this.

The way Josh tells it, is that he had prayed for a girl like me {whatever that may be}. He said a small prayer while he was sitting next to me at church one night and whispered to himself, "Thank you for this girl you gave me, I'm gonna let myself love her." This was a turning point for him because the girls he had dated prior, he never felt like he could say, "I love you again" because it had lost it's meaning in a previous relationship. And he never felt right with other girls {he describes it as girls he knew never held his interest long enough to carry on a conversation}. And he had built up a wall, slowly. And now the wall was coming down.

Josh was told by a friend of his {who was a girl that liked him} that he was too picky. I still think it's so funny how us, "too picky" people found each other. And everything everyone has said over the years were lies!

Engaged. one year; two months later.

I didn't know he was going to propose. I was surprised! We had talked about it, but never really set anything. I didn't think it would be for another year. <33

So he picked me up and put a tie around my eyes. I got sick going around the parking lot blindfolded. It was funny and i was laughing. And he was an hour early picking me up. I mean, he always used to be late. So I was wondering what was going on, but never really thought about it.

Josh proposed on May 6th, 2004 @ around 7pm. I was twenty. He was twenty-four. He took me to this parking lot that overlooked the city. It was the only place that resembled an NYC rooftop and I loved them. Josh had bought two blue swirly wine glasses and sparkling grape juice. But when he went to propose he couldn't get it open.

Flustered, he went back in the car....

(as we were leaning on the hood of the car).

{And I like that he didn't get down on one knee.

I'm the kind of girl who likes to break traditions.

I don't know why.

I've just always been that way.}

He pulled out a black box, opened it, and said,

"Well, that didn't work. But maybe this will...

Will you marry me?"

He told me he had never been so nervous to ask me one question,

and he pretty much knew what the answer would be.

I smiled at him and said,

"YES.." While wrapping my arms around his neck.

He then looked at me confused, saying,

"Did you say Yes?"

I replied, "YES, I said, YES!"

Smiling wider.

We then walked into Boscovs to find a bottle opener.

Wedding planning...seven months later.

Josh & I would change our wedding date about four or five times. From May 2005 to June 2005 to October 2005 {some days I wish we had our may or october wedding..i wanted a nice small outside wedding or to elope on some island, but we didn't have much of a choice in choosing anything. and then one night we thought jokingly what about December 2004. We called around and everything was open even though in the months of May & October (the actual months we wanted) were all booked. So we got married on December 18th, 2004. And hit a snow storm going to Williamsburg, VA. We were actually trying to get away from the snow. On the way, we wound up swerving on black ice. Our car literally spun around in the opposite direction.

The paper would of read,

"Newly Wed Couple Dies on the Way to their Honeymoon."

Nevertheless, we survived after I practically screamed

my way through it. And after, what I like to call

our "almost death" experience,

it was a very special honeymoon for us. We both had waited for marriage... We aren't perfect by any means. We both have made mistakes. But God decided to pour his loving grace on us and our marriage, when he didn't have to at all. And to be honest, we never really thought we would find someone who would be "waiting." But it's worth it. By far the hardest thing we've ever done. The last month was literally the longest month in history {we spent a lot of time apart}. Nevertheless, we would have waited as long as we had to {we just felt in our hearts, it was what we should do}. And we are so glad to this day that we made it.

We had all this cash from our wedding and when we were

sitting on the bed... we threw it all up in the air.

It was like a movie. It was sooo fun! Haha.

{I've had people tell me, that since we moved our wedding date our 'waiting' didn't count. {why must you have an opinion anyways...to ruin things???}. But I'm sure it doesn't count, but WE wanted to get married in May or October. And well, we feel guilty for everything.... This is just our story....I couldn't write it any other way. I tried.}

{And now I'm just really working on being a good wife.

'Cos I really love being Josh's wife}.

When I was 14, the Times Leader did a front page article on chastity. And my youth group didn't agree with it. We had viewed a dateline special on a couple courting and Joshua Harris was on there. It was cool to meet him later after we got married, even though Josh & I didn't do a courtship. The author's books still helped me growing up. But I was one of the girls interviewed in the article. {I was quoted like this, I couldn't have said it any better. Cami, with a smile said, "I'm worth waiting for."}

Ever since that article came out, I was told I would never make it and that I would get myself pregnant. So I'm thrilled to write how my husband and I met. Now, I'm just really trying to be a good wife. Through all we've been through, God really has poured grace on our marriage. And well, we just fit. I really just don't care if you don't think we are good together or if you don't want us to be together.

// Josh & I just celebrated our five year wedding anniversary. He is the only one who knows me inside & out. And I really know his heart. And well, I just never thought I would get married. And if I did, I never thought I would get married at 20, I thought it would be in my late 20s {like now}. And Josh never thought he would get married until now {he's 31 and I'm 27}. Funny how our life turned out differently than what we had planned for ourselves. And I can't wait to photograph weddings in the new year! <3 I hope you liked our sappy story. ;]